A Weekend in Hong Kong

No, this isn’t a travel blog so this probably won’t be what you expected…

Unless of course you’rE from Boston and the mention of Hong Kong condured up one image: Scorpion Bowls.

Yes, this weekend I ventured to Harvard Square to visit Hong Kong. So it’s been a year since I was in Hong Kong and to be honest, I don’t remember a thing about it. Hong Kong was number 12 in our Annual Christmas 12 Pubs (crawl). And by the time you make it to 12, if indeed you do, things get fuzzy.

This post doesn’t have many insights into the world but in the tradition I’m building of talking about my journey in Boston, I’m gonna just go with it. So in we go, and I find the guys in the 1st floor with a few beers. Lots of cute girls around. I arrived pretty late and still in my work clothes so wasn’t expecting much. The place is really one of those guilty pleasures. If someone asks you if you’ve been you’re obliged to say “Oh god… Hong koooooooong?” but they all love it really.

So straight to the bar, I wasn’t expecting barmaids ala the clubs downtown but woah! 2 very pretty girls serving and oth pretty sound too. Hard to argue with that. As I wait I see a “studenty” looking guy down his scorpion bowl in one. Don’t ask.. as 4 others do a cheers and down 4 tequilas which I can smell from across the bar. One girl shouts “WHAT WAS THAAAT?”, heaves and quickly runs to the bathroom. Good night on the cards folks!

I’m a little embarrassed to say I had 4 rum and cokes and woke up the next day dying. The Irish genes are wearing off… But I was tipping well and by the 3rd and 4th they were mainly just rum. Upstairs was hopping. We drank, dances, acted inappropriately (which is infact appropraite for Hong Kong) and I somehow woke up at home the next morning.

All in all a good night. The guys have sort of copped on to the fact that I am single again. I wasn’t really broadcasting it but we’ve een meeting for drinks a bit more lately which sort of gives it away. (Guys aren’t really like girls, major relationship issues don’t warrent bitch fests, they warrent someone buying you drinks and introducing you to women you really shouldn’t and thats about it). But the guys were good about it, they got me out there and pushed me into meeting a few girls. Honestly, I was coming from work and not really dressed for the club so I wasn’t really into it but I’m feeling good about getting out a bit more again. Relationships tend to lead to a little too much “comfort”, and while the wild nights of my college days might be behind me, how healthy is not getting out at all? In a weird way, for the first time in a long time, I’m sort of ok with being single for a while.

Saturday was a bit of a write-off. I spent most of the day in bed with Netflix. I was a little annoyed by myself for being so hungover after so few drinks but maybe I need to build up the tolerance again

I had tickets to the Kooks gig in House of Blues for Saturday night though so I made the effort to go. Afterall, I had payed over the top on Stu Hub for the pleasure, I didnt want to miss it. The gig was great. I’m really glad I went but I think the lead singer was suffering the effect of Hong Kong himself.

I get a slight guilty pleasure in going to Irish/British gigs over here when everyone around me is shouting “OMG, WHAT IS HER SAAAAAAAYING?”.

Online Dating

I’ve written before about the differences in the dating cultures from Ireland to America. One of the big things which has become much more acceptable here, while it still isn’t as accepted in Ireland is Internet Dating.

I’ve tried Online dating in the past but I’m always somewhat sceptical, as most people are really. See, its hard to find a needle in a haystack, people have different reasons for trying online dating. For some, like myself it’s just because you find yourself looking for new ways to meet people as your huge social circle from your college days becomes a tighter group of close friends. For others you never know the reasons, it’s been said some women just like the ego boost. Maybe true for some but I think these are just the minority. For most I think they go into it hoping that just maybe they’ll find that tall dark stranger which sweeps them off their feet but get frustrated with with 50-100 messages a day just saying, “Sup?”, shirtless photos in the bathroom mirror or just being plain boring… At least thats what I’m told.

I’ll be honest. I read up a little, how to be “good” at online dating and to be brutal about it, most tips online just suck ass.

So we have the direct method. Write and tell her you DEMAND she reply and take you to dinner. (Cocky/Funny?)  Or in some way try to be “Alpha”. I tried it, as uncomfortable as it was… really got no results. I don’t see many girls going for it.

Chat Up lines. Just don’t…

So what works? This isn’t a definitive guide by any means. But I’ve got a lot of good conversations, numbers, emails, facebooks, etc with this. Firstly, it goes without saying, your profile means a lot. When you start, its easy to enter “I’ll fill this in later” and assume she’ll be swept away with your good looks but its unlikely. Girls read profiles! Guys take a hint! You need a good story… yes, a story. Don’t just list your interests, qualifications, and your resume… make it a little story of how and why you are where you are in life (make it positive!). I found this got me a lot more messages. Don’t just say “I’m a doctor”, add a little story as to how or why you ended up being a doctor, make it interesting, even a little funny but try not to use any self deprecating humour and please don’t try to do stand-up comedy. Just keep it light but entertaining to read. THIS. GETS. VOTES.

Keep it short, nobody is going to read a novel, but don’t just give a one liner, shows you are not bothered.

The first message. I found that I got the most replies from just being honest. Just say Hi, introduce yourself and try to make a nice comment. Don’t compliment her appearance! It might seem like the right thing to do, but honestly, you need to stand out from all the other messages saying “Baby, baby, sup, ur hot xxx”. Comment on something she’s doing in a photo, or comment on something she said in her profile. Just the very fact that you do this showed you actually looked at her profile! Most guys just group mail every decent looking girl they come across and don’t read a thing. Time consuming? Yes! Worth the return in ratio of replies vs. other methods? Yes! Be sincere, say something about yourself and how you noticed “….” on her profile was cute or interesting or something.

Listing your interests. Everyone says the same things here, or a subset of the same thing… movies, music, sports, etc… Try to stand out. Don’t lie but be specific or put something unusual or funny or kinda silly, something they will ask you about. Remember, the point is to get her interested in something about you.. don’t be bland.

The conversation. Ok, I think a girl knows early enough if she has any interest in you. If she doesn’t reply, just leave it. But if she does… Have an interesting conversation. Tell her about something fun you did/are doing. Play a game with her, role play, just be fun. Don’t fall into the category of “How was your day, mine was fine…”. You’ve just turned a girl who was semi interested in your profile into adding you to the “Next…” category. Just be interesting, ask her questions but tell her about you, just seed it with things she can ask you about, she WANTS something to talk to you about. Just be interesting. Don’t come across forward, cocky, rude, trying too hard to be funny. Just pretend you’re just playing around chatting to your kid sister. Keep messages short, 1 or 2 paragraphs of just a couple of sentence is probably fine but no more than that. If she begins to write longer replies, you can stretch yours too… if she’s bothering to write that much to you, she’s interested.

Asking for the number. This isn’t a hard and fast rule but politely ask if she’d like to swap details somewhere between 3-5 messages into the conversation. It might seem too soon but if she’s willing, then you know she’s interested. The problem with waiting 20-30 messages is that you’re now her “internet buddy” and the initial interest she had beings to wane as conversation runs dry and becomes mundane. You don’t even have to get a number, an email or facebook is just as good but try to take the conversation away from the dating site. If you get a number, I prefer texting. Some might disagree here but if you’ve got a number this early then I think calling is too much, you’re still a stranger from the internet. Exchange a few texts and keep her laughing. If that goes well you can try to arrange to meet for drinks.

The thing about all of this is that you ARE being judged initially by a 100×100 pixel image so it is, sort of, a numbers game. Expect girls not to reply. They aren’t always being bitchy, cute and interesting girls get a LOT of messages each day, they won’t reply to them all, sometimes won’t be interested… just do your best to try and stand out in a good way. Even though it’s a numbers game, remember what I said about reading the profiles… you might have to message a lot of girls to find a few to chat with, but don’t just spam every girl on the site. Honestly, it doesn’t help.

Also expect flaking… during the conversation, after you get a number and even after you set a date to meet up. Don’t be down about it. A lot of the time it’s just cold feet. In Ireland, although online dating is growing in popularity, it’s just not accepted that much. Meeting someone from the internet is perceived as “weird” still. I find that in America, it’s a much more accepted way of meeting people (there’s even a lot of “meet up” web sites which are just for finding like minded friends and have nothing to do with dating) and therefore it’s a little easier here. But all that said, the chances are, she’s found quite a few weird dudes on the site and even if she was initially interested in you, when it comes to actually meeting someone in person from the internet, she might just get cold feet. Heck, I’ve got cold feet, as I said, it’s not something accepted in Ireland, so if I meet a girl, I’m usually hoping SHE’S not some weirdo from the internet. But given my integration into the American culture, I did give it a try. I’ve met a few girls from it and I have to say, most were great women and I was very glad I went through with it. Give it a try guys, what is there to lose?

Try it out guys, I hope some of this is a help. It’s a bit of a brain dump of information here. I might write something more structured in the future if this posts gets any interest.

Need a Room?!?!

So I recently found myself in need of a new Apartment.

I’ve lived in Cambridge since I moved here with a good friend but after his long quest to find love he has decided he’s found the one and their getting a place together. He doesn’t mess around! But this has left me with a dilemma.

So I did what any Bostonian would do and went in search of a new roommate with the reputable Craigslist

I’ve spent the guts of the last 2 months replying to any and all adverts looking to rent free rooms or new people in town looking to find a place. I thought the idea to share a house or apartment was a good idea. I might make some new good friends to have a few beers with, watch a game and as it goes it’s obviously a little more economical to split the rent.

Here are the various people I’ve met along the way:

• Apparently a lot of the Boston real estate is owned by absentee landlords living in African nations I’ve never heard of. Most are royalty! I get to live in a Princes gaff! All I needed to do was email them my credit card details and I’m in. Sweet!
• I had one reply to tell me that there was actually no apartment for rent but they had been conducting some study on peoples online behaviour for a University in Arizona. I am now a statistic in someone’s mid-term.
• I have had several marriage proposals from brides to be in several Eastern European constituencies.
• Nudists find it particularly hard to find roommates in Boston judging by the frequency of their re-posts. Given the number of them though I don’t see why they don’t all hook up to get one big uber-nudey studio or something.

The places I actually got to view:

• $1000 per month to share the top floor of a dilapidated building with four MIT students. Yes, one bit room, four beds as he points me to my corner. “You said you wanted a share right?”
• $1200 to share a house with 5 people. Luckily I got my own broom cupboard to live in at this place, which is good too because after being handed their 5-page dossier of house rules it appears nobody is allowed to breath in the common areas without reprimand.
• “We like to be green so we generally dont use heating in the winter, but the exposed pipes in your room from upstairs makes your room particularly not cold”
• “Oh you’re Irish?” *slams door
• Apparently Porter Square is in Maine now.
• “We are very tolerant household and would welcomes anyone as long as you are <insert religion>, like <insert all their likes and activities>, keep to a strict < insert new fad> diet, and don’t leave your dishes in the sink”… ok! You sound fun!
• “I own this house and do not allowed outside furniture, I will provide you with a modest bed upon signing the lease”
• “We are against owning a television, we expect you are too”
• “I will only rent this place to someone who doesn’t expect to be here a lot”… oh no problem, I was expecting to stay in my other house most of the time anyway.

So basically I said screw it. Just signed a lease on my own 1-bed in Cambridge. I’ll leave Real Estate agents to have their own post but needless to say I’m pretty happy to have my own place for the first time. Move in date in 2 weeks. I’m pretty psyched.

Expect updates as shenanigans ensue.

Slán go fóill

Birds Flying High

One of the best things I like about living in America is the amount of things to do and how easy it is to do them!

I’m lucky to be living 10 minutes from Boston Common, pretty much the city center (yeah, spell check is making sure my American spelling is up to scratch here). All in all this means I’m right in the middle of anything I want to do.

Did a little Googling of what was on last weekend and it turned out Noel Gallagher’s new band was playing a theatre in town. Yes please! I never got to see Oasis when I was younger and by the time I was in my early twenties it didnt seem like it was worth going anymore given that I didn’t have to prove my alegiance to Blur fans anymore.

This was something else though. I’d seen some of Noels acoustic sets on YouTube before which swung it for me. It wasnt an acoustic set by any means but their new stuff is pretty good. I’d go as far as to say some of the songs had the sound of the Oasis of old… and it didn’t hurt he threw in some of the classics, Supersonic, Wonderwall et al.

Its funny that even though all I heard all night was this Mancunian accents, it somehow makes me feel a little more at home. Strange to say but it sort of does. Even though it was more Brits than Irish there, it still makes you feel more like you’re “part of the crowd” when you’re living so far away.

Next week. The Kooks at House of Blues! Ill try post a photo or two by then, the blog is looking a it “wordy” right now and I always preferred picture books

Slán go fóill

An Irish Guy “Dating” In Boston

So… If you read my first blog post you know the story… I’m an Irish, 27 year old male “professional” lost in Boston.

This post is about my ventures into the American “dating culture”.

So for years in Ireland we’ve been bombarded with this impression that everyone in America lives the lifestyle of one of the Friends characters (which one are you? Single waitress at a coffee shop living in huge apartment in Manhattan? Wish I found YOUR realtor…!) or of Samantha from Sex and the City (yes, I know her name, I have sisters :p) Well, living the single life here is not quite what some of us might think in Ireland.

Lets break this down. Being single in Ireland: Ok, so like many I grew up with a bunch of drinking buddies and did the whole college thing… so this basically revolves around going to the pub with the guys (or girls), drinking more than you should, awkwardly trying to dancing into strangers in the hope you’ll score and if you’re lucky, attracting some fine lady with your 2am take-away from HillBilly’s (double points for those who get this reference) because the line is too long for her to wait. If you manage to get a “date”, chances are you’ve already had some sort of an alcohol related score on the dance floor. And despite what many will say… it makes the whole “date” a lot easier… you’ve already gotten past the awkward “Where do I put my hands” moments and a few drinks into the first date all is going well…

Now dating in Boston…

So I was listening to Matt Cooper  (I think) online a few weeks back and there were 2 dating “experts” talking about the challenges 20 and 30-somethings in Ireland meeting people once the whole college scene is over with. When asked what they considered the “best” model to be, they both lept to shout AMERICA!!! Of course they went on to explain that in America all you need to do is boldly walk up to the hottie infront of the queue at Dunkin Donuts, declare your intention to get her number and watch her swoon… Job Done!

Really? This is where I go back to people watching too many episodes of Friends. Yeah sure it makes for good TV but if that’s really how it works here, I’ve been visiting the wrong Dunkin’ Donuts. I don’t think any society is that open to this sort of thing. Given, it’s slightly more acceptale here… as in, there’s a good chance the girl in line will chat back to you (as opposed to the instant STRANGER DANGER! reaction back home) but even if you got a number? What next?

This is the part I’m finding challenging. After a recent breakup I picked myself up and said, what the hell, its worth a shot! And guess what? I got a few numbers! I guess the Irish accent helps a little (but not as much as you’d think, more on that later). But now the next part… some numbers… flakes… to be expected really. I mean, do you really think you’ll make some magical connection in line for a coffee? Maybe.. but assuming the interaction lasted 2 minutes and she knows nothing about you, how attached is she really to getting your text/call? You need to make a deeper connection that that.

Next comes the few who decided it was worth a shot and we met up. Now comes the hard part for the typical Irishman. At this point at home we’ll assume you’ve discussed the edibility of tree bark (yes, this happened to me) over Jager bombs, pretended that her being a nursing student was just great and probably had a snog. If she’s going out with you, she’s got some interest.

But what about here? Well… I go back to my earlier point. How much of an impression have you made getting that coffee? Not much I’d say. So what comes next is the “coffee date”, maybe even grab a drink. But what comes next is like the toughest intereview you’ve ever had… you are going there to sell yourself. Instead of grabbing a few drinks with a girl you’ve already established has some mutual interest in you, you are effectively sharing a friendly coffee with a total stranger (without the ol few pints to get the confidence and conversation up… yes, I know its bad to say but we all do it). How do you sell yourself? Be out there, out going, tell her what you drive, impress her with where you live, it just all feels so artificial. Yes, like any interview, there’s a skill to it but sometimes even if it’s going well I’m just wondering, why am I bothered? I don’t care about your Irish great great grandmother and please stop asking me what I drive! Yes, I drive a nice car but if it matters that much to you, as to how the rest of this date is going, then my own interest in waning.

Then there is wondering if she is interested. Should I up the flirting more, pull back and keep her guessing. How do you even end the date? A hand shake? Often yes… oh god, I cant believe I’m admitting to ending a “date” with a handshake but really I just met this person, shared a cup of coffee and now I’m off home by 7.30pm. Unless there is some serious flirting going on, much more just doesn’t feel right. It’s just all such a “Game” (holding back the urge to mention Neil Strauss… not a good place.)

I think the challenge in Ireland is getting a date in the first place. Most people aren’t really open to being chatted up in a Supermarket. Over here it’s not getting a date thats a problem but making it any more than a date. I’ll be honest, at first getting a few numbers seemed like a bit of a thrill, it was so easy to meet all of these girls and get chatting. But when you meet them you quickly realize why they just aren’t for you. In my past, whenever I got to go out with a girl, the chances are I was into her enough to follow up and see her again. Even though I’m single and would sort of like to find a relationship, I find it strange that I now come away from a date thinking “meh”.

I guess I’m still learning the ropes. In all fairness there are some very gorgeous, smart, intelligent, well educated and well rounded women in Boston. The difficulty is filtering out what you’re not interested in and not just putting all your eggs in one basket just because you got one number.

Until next time, Slán go fóill.

IGIB.

What’s all this about?

Hi there,

So I have to start by saying I never thought I’d ever write a blog. It’s just not me. I’m not the sort of guy to update my faceook status 17 times a day and change my profile picture on the hour. Do people really care to read every little detail of my life at any given moment? Probably not…

So why am I here and what is this blog about? Trying not to bore you, here is my story.

I’m originally from Ireland and due to a number of factors found myself relocated to Boston in November 2009. I had a sweet job here from the start, living right on the Boston/Cambridge border, had some good friends join me here from home and amazingly in my first few months met my first girlfriend here. Life is good right?

Well yes! But I’m here now 2 years and some things have changed. I still have a great job… but I’ve found that I submerged myself so much in it I left time for little else.

Some of the good friends I had at the start have moved on to other places or moved back home for various reasons.

And the girlfriend? We’ll she’s a great girl, but it just didnt work out…

So strangely now… after 2 years of living in Boston, its only now that I feel “new”. I dont have the comfort zone of having familair people around me as much anymore. I need to get out there and see what this city (and country), really has to offer for me. My job is awesome but I need to not make it my life so much and just get out and start building a new life here. Really, I think I had too many “home comforts” at the beginning, friends from home, skype, facebook and everything else linking me to home at any moment and I guess if I’m honest, a relationship which was my security blanket for maybe just focussing on my career and not making the extra effort to build a social circle of “my own” here.

So… bored yet? Well if not here is the deal. This blog won’t have any main topic. It’s going to be a bit of a brain dump at times and a bit of an intellectual masterpiece at other times. I like writing, but I’m not a writer. I’ll probably talk about life, love, being a “new” guy, what its like being an expat in a new country, learning the culture, funny things, fun things, sad things, good times, bad times… really whatever is on my mind.

I also dont have a particular audience… I’m going to talk about Boston a lot I guess but I also just want to make this more of a blog for all those Irish expats around the world, especially those who’ve left home in the last few years to make a better life in the difficult times.

Hope to see you all here again. For now, Slán go fóill